


Anomaly

by librarius



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Daddy Issues, Education, Light Side, Mindfuck, Morals, OC, Other, Psychology, Ren is broken but he doesn't know it, anger doesn't help, dark side, force, no side at all, possibly disturbing in a way, something different from sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 13:56:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6426547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/librarius/pseuds/librarius
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"This is a relativity paradox", she explained. "Your conflict must have created it. The one you pretend doesn’t exist.”</p><p>Right after the events of "The Force Awakens", Kylo Ren finds himself in a strange place and with a person who never gets involved, but in a way happens to have an influence on him – or does he have an influence on her?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Anomaly. A way to meet

**Author's Note:**

> Originally, this was a short story that had nothing to do with Star Wars or fanfiction at all. I invented Aryn as a character in a completely different field, but when the short story was done, a friend of mine suggested I’d make it a Star Wars fic – mostly to fix my anger on certain childish behavior. ;)  
> I ended up rewriting it in the way you read here and in the end it became 19 instead of 4 pages. Whoa.  
> I still want to keep Aryn for any later, non-related stories, but since “Anomaly” ended up the way it did – enjoy!

Chapter I: Anomaly. A way to meet

 

The first thing he saw was a grey, pale-lighted ceiling. Kylo Ren got up from the floor, wondering. Where was Hux – where was everybody? He was supposed to be on a First Order ship after the destruction of Starkiller Base. While this corridor might be on a ship, the lighting clearly wasn't First Order – as well as the lack of people. There was no sound of anybody and whilst getting on his feet he realised he was still bleeding from the wound by Chewbacca's shot. So he hadn't been to a medic yet. But he _had_ been aboard the ship, fleeing the destruction. What was going on...?  
Well, if nobody was here he sure was going to find someone. And he definitely was going to get some meds. The continued blood dripping from his side – not much, though – hurt annoyingly.  
Moving forwards he listened to the unexpected silence of this place. Somewhere at the far end of the corridor something moved. So what to do but check it out?

The robot was a hovering silver ball almost the size of a human head with the sharp lines of some foreign pattern on it. It made a soft humming noise whilst moving through the corridor, not noticing Kylo Ren at all. His patience was put to the touch, but after about fifteen minutes of following the ball it went through a glass door and met with a wet woman wearing – _a_ _bathrobe_?  
In a mixture of curiosity and irritation he waited to see what was going on. If there was water, this must be a planetary building, not a ship or space station.

The woman was humming to some unheard music, then said: "I was just thinking about the past, Pila. Will you give me a Correlian Waltz, and have a dance, for remembrance? One minute, please."  
The ball played the requested waltz and even seemed to be some sort of partner through a short dance. It looked like she was waltzing with someone invisible – except for the silvery ball-head.  
Something within Kylo made him feel uncomfortable watching this and a long gone memory of his parents rushed through his mind. It didn't stay though.  
Right after a minute the music and the dancing stopped and the woman started to dry her hair with a towel. She was turning her back on him, when suddenly she said: "Stop hiding in plain sight, whoever you are – I can sense you."

The Knight of Ren entered the room. From inside he realised she could not have seen him through the glass by this angle, but he had other things in mind, demanding: "Who are you? Where am I?"  
"I think I kind of asked this question first, that of who you are." She smiled predatory. When he didn't say a thing she shrug her shoulders and continued: "Well, since I just lost an old friend and you smell like the death of him you must be Kylo Ren. Welcome to my home. My name in short is Aryn and I'd really like to know what you want and how you got here."  
"I demand to know where 'here' is." His voice was low with suppressed anger.  
"'Here' is a house on the planet of Callim. Very far from any galactic politics or wars – so how did you get here?"  
"You must tell _me_!"  
"Ah." She didn't look afraid or at least uneasy although she should, knowing who he was. Instead, she nodded knowingly: "So something must have brought you here. It wasn't me, I can tell. Otherwise I would have been dressed a bit more ... fitting the occasion." The woman named Aryn indicated a little bow. To Ren, it felt like pure mockery. Then she got serious, looking him up and down, her gaze stopping on his left side: "You're wounded. Care for some medics?"  
He had his lightsaber in hand without thinking. She didn't seem impressed.  
When he took a step closer, she said: "You're not planning on threatening me, are you? I was just offering my assistance with the shot."  
Another step.  
She sighed. "Really. You can't hurt me with this."  
The next step took him within reach – and the hum of his lightsaber stopped. Aghast he looked at it thinking it malfunctioned because of the strike that had hit it earlier the day. But it was something else: his weapon has turned into ice. Still red, but – ice. Dry, cold and a bit smouldering. She turned to put the towel away like nothing had happened. When she was out of his reach the ice was gone. He got closer again – and again it turned to ice.  
In his surprise and anger he hit the hovering robot and, since the lightsaber was perfectly working, split it with one swift stroke.

Now finally her calm expression changed, but not in the way he thought it would. Disappointment it was now. "You've just killed my companion", she stated.  
"A robot", Kylo spit. _Did the temperature in the room just decrease?_  
"More worthy my attention than an ill-mannered child like you, eh?" She sighed. Then she led herself be carried away adding: "When you were born your father was so happy. I told him you'd be trouble, although even I didn't think it could be _that_ kind of trouble. What a disappointment, really. With your abilities and all you could have been much more than _this_."  
Then, with only one more look at the remains of her robot and wrapping her bathrobe a bit tighter around her body, she said: "Let's get your wound healed. I bet you can't wait to get back to your puppeteer master. I’d like you to leave now and _he_ is surely waiting for you."  
She rushed past him to the corridor and he hurried to follow her. Her pace forced him to keep up in a tempo exactly between walking and running, but it didn't take them long to a small med section. On the side, in a glassed cabinet, he found what he needed. Grabbing it and turning he didn't really know what to do now. He decided to investigate while stopping the damn bleeding.  
"Aryn. What else?"  
"Nothing else. You couldn't spell it anyway. May I assist you?"  
"No."  
She shrugged. Before asking about his other wounds she remembered that lightsaber wounds were of course different from blaster shots et cetera. He'd have to deal with them later on. For now, the bleeding was more important. She wondered if the burn across his face might stay. Time would show.  
Whilst he cleaned his wound she asked: "Why a lightsaber with guard? Quite unusual, I'd say. Although the rough martialness is quite appealing, in a way."  
It took two or three heartbeats until he realised what she had just said. _Lightsabers._ "How comes you know about lightsabers?" There was a lurking tone in his voice which she ignored.  
"I've met a few. Long time ago. And as I see they’re still in use." Not a word about the failed attempt of a Jedi Academy, but maybe she really didn’t know, living at the back of beyond.  
"Tell me", he demanded.  
"Ask _nicely_."  
Anger reddened his sight and soon he felt is lightsaber go cold again. He had activated it on instinct and again it was frozen. Not only the blade but also the haft. "What is this?!"  
She smiled predatory again. "How about an answer for an answer, while we're here?"  
He didn't know his blood could get cold right inside his body, but somehow it did – and it took some of the incipient tantrum away. He also felt no need to use his weapon despite of its condition. "You start", he said and deactivated it.  
"If you like. The questions you already have. My name: Aryn. This place: My home on the planet Callim. Others: None, since you've killed Pila. The ice: A defense mechanism. As long as you _intend_ on hurting me, your lightsaber will turn to no use. That intention gone, it will function as always. How you got here: No idea at the moment, but this part of the universe is full of paradoxa and anomalies, so I guess the force or something just took you from wherever you were and spit you out again right here. I can check on that and I'm certain the effect can be reversed."  
Whilst listening he had stopped right after cleaning the wound. Before answering himself, he said: "And the dead friend?"  
He knew it before she told him. "Your father, obviously. We were friends some time ago. Last time I met him was a bit after your birth."  
"You're too young for that."  
"I don't age like humans do."  
That silenced him for a brief moment. He took a closer look, but no: she seemed absolutely human. He tried to read her mind. She let him.

[Aryns memory]  
_Han called with an amazing look on his face. She knew immediately what the big news was._  
_"I have a son!"_  
_She smiled. "Congratulations. So you really have."_  
_"Yeah. Man, I'm – blasted."_  
_"I can see that." She was really, really happy for him. "How's Leia?"_  
_"Fine, she's fine. All motherly and beautiful and – my, I have a_ son _!" He clearly couldn't bear this lot of happiness._  
_"What's his name?"_  
_"Ben."_  
_She smiled again. "Ben. That's nice. And a strong boy already, I bet."_  
_"Yeah... The full monty. Including flying toys."_  
_They both laughed, and she said: "He's going to be a lot of trouble for you old scoundrel."_  
_"I hope so!" Then he asked: "Will you come for a visit?"_  
_She smiled softly. "I hope so. As soon as I'm back."_  
_"When will that be? Where are you now?"_  
_"Callim again. Checking on my newfound home."_  
_"Far from everything."_  
_"Right in the middle of everything, if you change your point of view", she smiled. So did he._  
_"Call anytime, Aryn."_  
_"I will. Now get yourself back to your wife and child, man! You have a son!"_  
_"Yeah, I have!"_  
[There the memory ended and Kylo literally got thrown out of her mind.]

"Enough?" she asked.  
He just stared for a moment. A part of him was still chewing on what he just saw. Emotions locked away and thought gone long ago tucked hard on their doors. He shut them up again. "Did you visit?"  
"Yes. But that's a new question. First – your answers."  
"What's the questions?" In some way she had really calmed him for the moment. In the back of his mind he was wondering about that. The anger was gone although it should be there.  
"Hm. Since I know who you are and what you're doing – how about your reasons? That would be nice to hear. How comes a young man with some talent gets so fear- or anger-driven that he becomes a puppet on a string and even kills his own father? That's so literary. I thought the universe had overcome the idea of patricide a long time ago."  
Kylo stared blankly at her, wondering if he didn't want to answer – or if he didn't have an answer at all. Patricide, sure. It had to be. His hardest task. He needed to kill him. _Wait._ _Puppet on a string?_ "I am no puppet on a string!" He almost jumped at her.  
"So you decided all for yourself? Wow. Nice to meet you – hope we'll not cross paths again." Now she looked disgusted, and for some reason he felt the same. He pushed the thought away.  
Aryn handed him a bandage and by taking it he realized he was at least done with the wound.  
Then his anger came back. Of course he decided! And who did she think she was, telling him off! And above all: what was he doing here anyway!  
She saw it in his eyes: aggression, and even the possibility of murder. Again she didn't care. To her, he was a boy, behaving like a five-year-old. If anything, it made her feel sad. The anomaly analysis device on her wrist gave a light signal. It had found the certain anomaly that had brought him here – and how she could get rid of him.  
"Come. We'll get you back to where you belong." She got up and out of the room, walking down the corridor at a leisurely pace. His anger didn't influence her, or at least she didn't show.

"Lightsabers", he said, after silently walking next to her for a few minutes.  
"Yeah?" she asked, uninterested.  
"Are you a Jedi?" He tried hard to sound neutral.  
"Shouldn't you feel it, if I was?" she mocked. "And wouldn't it be a bit stupid to admit, if I were, with you strolling around the galaxy trying to find the last of the Jedi, the one who left known routes when he lost his most dear pupil to the Dark Side?"  
He stopped walking. His eyes had gone dead black. She gave nothing but a bleak smile looking straight into his eyes.  
"How do you know", he said in a perilously dangerous tone.  
"Your whole appearance speaks of it. To the ones who can read it, though."  
"You are a Jedi."  
"No."  
"You know where Skywalker is."  
"I don't."  
"You know of the force."  
"Not in any way you could ever think of."  
"Tell me."  
"You wouldn't understand."  
" _Tell me!_ "  
"Why should I?"  
He stared at her. She looked back at him, unimpressed. In private she was thankful for her defense working on him. That lightsaber could have become very uncomfortable against her body otherwise.  
"Come with me."  
That was new. Still, her face didn't give away any sign of her thoughts.  
"I prefer to stay here", she said. "I don't interfere." Then she continued her walk down the corridor.  
They reached the exact place where he woke up. He hadn't seen it back then, but now it was all too obvious: "This is a relativity paradox", she explained. "Your conflict must have created it. The one you pretend doesn’t exist. So, do you need anything for your journey? An excuse for being bandaged already? If I knew the data of this paradox before bandaging you, we could have done without it. You will get to the exact place and time where you left. You haven't been on the Base anymore, have you?"  
He didn't move. Whatever conflict she meant – he didn't admit to himself there was any conflict, because there mustn't be one. He had solved it anyway, down at the Base. Ren wondered how she could resist him using the force on her. He had tried so from the beginning but she seemed to not even notice.  
"What?" she asked patiently.  
"Come with me." he tried again, this time without using the force.  
"What for?"  
_What for..._ He didn't know. But she must be of some use, and he really wanted to know what kind of Jedi or not she really was. Snoke would know ways...  
"If we meet again, I might have more answers for you, and I might really come with you. But for now I'll be busy repairing Pila." She looked straight at him. "Maybe next time you're a bit less explosive and a bit more thinking before acting and maybe next time you'll ask kindly. Until then I'm curious of your further path. I'll keep an eye on the news."  
With that, she raised a hand and before he could react, he was simply pushed into the anomaly, losing his consciousness in the process.

When he opened his eyes, he was on Hux's ship flying from fire and the dead body of his father. And if it wasn't for the bandage he would have sworn Aryn had been some kind of vision, made up by bloodloss and exhaustion and the nasty feeling of having been beaten by a random scavenger girl.  


  

_\--- The End. Or so he thought. ---_


	2. Connection. Another way to meet

Chapter II: Connection. Another way to meet

 

There was more to Kylo Ren than what she had suspected. Struggling he was, definitely. His master wouldn't be happy with what had happened on the Base.  
She stretched out her senses to _see_ and _remember_ things happening farthest from here. No. Snoke would not be pleased by Ren. Losing the map and the girl plus struggling inside about the death of his father – there was no way of Snoke not being … disappointed. At its best.  
„Not yet”, she said as Pila tried to hover off the floor. „I'm not done with you.” She repaired Pila whilst letting her senses drift from her world to others.  
Pila brought her back: The robot hummed something.  
„Strange encounter, definitely. I wonder what the whole story is like.”  
Another hum came from the robot.  
„Don't worry. I'd like to know, but I won't interfere. I just want to … see.”  
Pila hummed again.  
„Nah, I don't know.” She let Pila go and it hovered a bit. The lines and patterns seemed to put themselves back together. Looking close, one might have recognized the rivers of Alderaan within the pattern. Humming, Pila turned and turned slowly.  
„Sure I'm sad about Han. _Very_. And yeah, Ren's the murderer. But you know, things happen, like history. I can't change it and being angry also wouldn't change a thing. Plus: It would be getting involved.” She winked at Pila.  
The humming sounded questionlike again.  
„Like I said: No hard feelings. What would they be good for.” She checked on Pila's outside again. All was well – there was no sign of it having been split just an hour ago. „Plus, we don't yet know what's going to be. There's more to Ren than what is seen. And there's always more to the future than can be foreseen.”  
Pila hovered up and down a bit, and gave one more hum, short and sharp. It was obvious what it thought about Ren after having been victim to his anger.  
„Good and evil always depend on your point of view. I'm sure he does what he thinks is right. Let's just wait – we'll see if there is more history to come, or just more story.”  
One more hum, and one more spoken thought by Aryn: „Snoke doesn't like his pupil struggling with the Light Side. Patricide is an easy way of setting the stage. Training completed – almost.”  
She shrugged and let her senses reach out again. Curious she was indeed, curious of what might happen to the kid. And to other friends from the past as well – she hadn’t been in touch for a while.

 

General Hux didn't approve of Ren's latest mistakes, but it wasn't on him to decide. At least, Snoke would not be too gentle. Ren had failed all along the line and would have to answer for it. Satisfaction made Hux smile to himself as he went to his quarters. The upstage of the force would learn to subordinate his personal interests. Finally.

 

The bandage made it clear: The encounter had been no vision but _very_ real. And ever since, he's been uneasy from the inside – and anxious. Of course Snoke wanted to see him. And a part of Kylo Ren was even more than anxious: It was being terrified. _Fear and anger lead to the dark side_ , he unwillingly recalled. There probably was no sleep for him tonight.

 

_„It's good Starkiller Base is gone. There shouldn't be weapons like this in the universe.”  
_ He literally jumped. But there was nobody else in the room.  
 _„Weapons, war … That's all so old, so boring, so overcome. It shouldn't exist in higher evolved civilizations.”_  
The voice was inside his head! And it was the voice of his non-vision. Aryn.

 

Aryn woke up from a not so relaxing self-absorption. She always did that after reaching out into the universe. But not like this time. She had just made contact!  
And not just to anyone, but her unexpected visitor. And the contact was … her personal thoughts on that destroyed monstrosity.  
She got up, stretched and cleared her mind completely, concentrating on her breath and heartbeat for a full minute. Then she closed her eyes again, carefully reaching inside herself. Were there any remains? Never before did a thing like this happen!

 

Kylo's confusion beat hard in his chest and his pulsing temples. He sat down slowly, suddenly feeling jaded. After a while of staring into space in the dark he relaxed and carefully investigated his feelings. It must have been a strange vision of the force or a weak part of his – still struggling –self. The pull of the Light Side, it must have been. Still haunting him as if he hadn’t decided and chosen his path long ago.

 

Her face was pale and a shiver ran through her spine when she realized the connection was still there. With a cleared mind she just saw without transmitting too much, but why?

 

_„Why? How's that possible?”  
_ There the voice was again, inside his head. He decided to answer. And he decided to be very clear.

 

A flash of red anger rushed through her mind. _„Leave!”  
_ She stumbled against the wall from the power, but then got back to herself. Concentrating on only one thought every moment, she told him: _„I don't know how this happens or how it works. It hit me as unexpected as it did yourself.”_  
It was strangely interesting: waves of confusion, anger and fear passed in the distance, all of which had nothing to do with the situation. Or did they? Some minutes passed.

 

_“I know the decision was a big one. You must have been struggling hard.”  
_ That stroke him like a hammer from out of nowhere. It made him rise no matter the absurd situation of arguing with a person that wasn’t even there.  
From her side a calming sensation spread. _“Sorry, I didn’t intend to pace you. I’m searching for a way to end this bizarre connection.”  
_ Her next transmissions were mere snippets of sensations: A cold wall on the back, calculations with that analysis device she had used before, a ball hovering and humming.  
“You repaired it.” He realized it with surprise.  
 _“What are you craving for”_ , she asked through the mix of the abovementioned. _“You can stop yourself from answering if you concentrate on something right before your eyes.”_  
Next thing in his mind was his own lightsaber mirrored through her perception, a red flash and constant glowing. He felt her smile. But under his highly concentrated stare he gave an answer. She just didn’t seem to hear it. It was hard to keep every and any thought away when having another person’s presence in your mind like _that_.  
“This is weird”, he stated, staring at the blade. A part of him wondered if it could turn to ice this way. She was still there; he could feel it. But for quite some time there seemed to be nothing but his lightsaber in both their minds. He reached out to see if he could read her mind without permission now. Face to face it hadn’t worked, but maybe…  
 _“Alright, I’ve found it. You must have left a trace of yourself in creating the anomaly. Sit. Keep your breath. And concentrate on something you know is true. We’ll break the connection this way and it won’t rebuild again.”_  
He split his concentration between staring and the careful trial of reading her mind without her noticing.  
 _“You’re going to be worn out. Stop it.”  
_ He literally felt a wall building up and keeping him out.  
 _“I don’t if you don’t.”  
_ “It’s been of use”, he said, looking at the guard and answering an earlier question of hers.  
 _“I’d really like you to part now. I’ve got other plans for the day.”_ A snowcapped landscape swept through his mind, along with a feeling of peace. And then – it all was gone. A breath escaped he hadn’t realized to have kept.

 

Aryn left the building to the roof, looking down at a beautiful winter scenery of wood and a lake reaching the horizon. It always helped clearing her mind, so maybe it would help this time, too.  
The connection was gone, it seemed. But still she didn’t know how it had built in the first place.  
Such things never ever happened. Especially not on Callim. Her home outside the usual paths, just one teeny step from known reality. Nobody ever gets there – the anomalies prevented such. Up till today. Twice.  
She had been able to find something like an answer to how he got there, but the connection of minds could not be explained that way. Yes, there must have been a trace of him left right within the birth of the anomaly. That was gone now. But even with the trace it should not have been possible.  
There must be more to the fine lines keeping Callim in its place than she knew.  
“Time to do some more research”, she decided. But not right now. The improbable sun of Callim was just about to set. That was a sight for dreamers, and right now she felt like one of them.

 

The connection was broken. For now.  
But Kylo Ren had gotten curious.

 


	3. Imagination. Mind tricks for inner peace

Chapter III: Imagination. Mind tricks for inner peace

  

"Funny how fates connect sometimes, don't you think?"  
He just stared at her through his mask without moving or saying a thing. Everybody else had already left the conference room, for it's been the last paper of the day. Aryn has been thankful for Ren to not show himself whilst the symposium was still running. Although he seemed to have come without any troops, he might have ruined it by causing panic due to his simple presence.  
When he didn’t attempt to say or do anything, she spoke again: "Well, Han's been here once. Not to the best for him, but anyway – and now _you're_ here. But no bounty hunters on your heels, so that might be a family plus." She was mocking him again.  
Leaving the room, he was at her side: "What are you doing here."  
"Erm... Not getting involved, I hope? Science symposium: Relevance and possible advantages of dark matter anomalies and fifth dimension travel perspectives. Funny idea – I had to hear about it."  
"Even if it means coming here."  
"Sure", she said. "Bespin’s a nice place for a short trip. What about you? With all due respect – I don't see such 'crazy scientists'-interests in you."  
Walking next to each other he again didn't answer, so she went on talking.  
"You're not going after the mine remains, are you?" And, explaining: "This once has been a Tibanna gas mine colony, until the Empire showed up. I don't know what happened afterwards, but I really like Cloud City to still exist."  
"Interesting", he said. Meanwhile she must have realized she was the only civilian being left, at least in this part of the city. Just alike their first encounter she acted as if she didn't care.  
" _Somebody_ has dropped a lightsaber and a hand here back then", she said and stopped. His silence must have been very talkative, for she smiled knowingly. "Ah." So that was not the reason he was here.  
"Here's my quarters, so I'll have to leave you now."  
"Or you could come with me."  
She just raised an eyebrow, nonverbally telling him to _ask nicely_. But nevertheless she had other plans. "Not this time, please."  
With this, she left him on the corridor, entering her room alone.  
Not for long, though, for the door couldn't handle the Dark Side. "I mean it", he said, entering the room as well.  
"Me, too." Usually nobody ever dared standing up against him in this way: Aryn stood her ground facing Kylo Ren only a few centimeters in front of him, which must have been a funny scene, since he was the much taller of the both. But obviously what would have been terrifying to everyone else, wasn't to her: "What is it you're seeking? Apart from power or the lightsaber you won't find here – as I’m very certain you know. You might be short-tempered, but you're not stupid." Even she knew the lightsaber was with the girl, Rey.  
Suddenly she turned around, packing some items from the table into a bag. "The reason you're here is either for family or historical issues – or because you knew I'd be." Aryn paused, knowing exactly she was his reason for coming to Bespin. "And you came alone. No First Order. And no Snoke, which surprises me." After a pause, she added: "Thank you."  
She came back with the bag on her shoulder. "I like you more without the mask."  
He surprised her by simply taking it off. Ren's gaze seemed to flicker for the blink of an eye. His question echoed wordlessly between them.  
"I can't", she said softly. "Really, I can't. Get involved. Or stay off my place any longer. You've found a way to get in touch. Unwillingly the first time, but I'm sure you've already figured it out. I promise I'll be answering. If you do."  
With that, she passed him and he let her. The time he turned, she had already made half the corridor. He reached out to get a glimpse of her mind, but she didn't let him, raising a finger like saying _no, no_ without even turning to him.  
Confused about himself, he stood there like a statue for a moment. She might be of some use – Snoke would know. But Snoke mustn't know about their relation. The relation caused by his struggle, and the connection only available in his very personal dilemma. That was nothing to tell Snoke about.  


The other night Kylo Ren was driven by doubt and fear and the ever pull of the Light against the Dark Side. Practically despairing of it he suddenly was thrown into a feeling of winter, like a memory from long ago. He knew it wasn't a memory, so he sat up straight with his back against the wall, and closed his eyes, reaching out into the wintery feeling. He knew it was her. He had made contact again.  
_"I'm not your priest, for shrift"_ , her voice trembled through his head.  
"I know." He kept silent for a moment, concentrating on the wintery feeling which she must feel mirrored in her mind right now, like it’s been with his lightsaber back the first time of this strange connection of minds. "I have an answer for you", he whispered, even in his thoughts.  
Realizing he enjoyed the wintery feeling she didn't concentrate on only her answer but let him have it. _"So what are you craving..."_ He could feel her in his mind, reading what he was ready to give away. _"Beyond striving for power ... some ... sort of ... care?"_  
Time stood still when only the snowy ground to her feet filled his mind. He could have never given that away to anyone. But there it was. Just this. Once.  
After an eternity of silence, Aryn spoke again. _"Lay down"_ , she said, softly, and with a slight uncertainty of how to address him. _"Lay down on your back. Close your eyes."_  
He did.  
_"Breathe slowly. Feel the calmness. Drink it. And let go."_ More of the wintery scenery gave him silence where he didn’t know his mind had been screaming before.  
Suddenly he felt a touch on his forehead. He startled, but a wave of calm and peace was sent through him. _"It's just me. Lay back. Close your eyes again."_  
He did and the slight touch returned. Careful, really just the lightest touch on the root of his nose, slowly moving to his forehead and repeating. It felt peaceful and quiet and – real. Like a hand gently stroking him there.  
Kylo relaxed, bit by bit, stroke by stroke. It was good. He was at ease.  
_"Feel this?"_ she asked softly. He didn't even have to word it, for she could read everything he let her.  
_"Let go"_ , she said again, and his breathing and heartbeat and mind calmed and took in the imaginary touch. When he fell asleep, the connection broke.

Aryn stared into the white silence of Callim’s winter, wondering what kind of relation that whole thing was. She had quite a bad feeling about it, but couldn't grasp it.

Kylo Ren was thinking about what had happened recently. Aryn’s way to read his mind was so completely different from his – just like her mind was. It worked all and all with pictures and feelings and memorized moments. He was sure that there were facts and everything he knew how the mind worked, but hers was just like written in code. Nevertheless, and to his complete and utter surprise he could read it. It felt different from everything he’d ever met, but he could read it. Kylo wondered if that was because she let him or if he always could. Well, if her guards were down, obviously. By now he knew quite well how it felt to get thrown out of her mind, but she had never used their connection to read him except for what he gave away willingly. She was so completely non-invasive it left him speechless.

 


	4. Decisions.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As if there weren't decisions that were already made...

Chapter IV: Decisions.

 

Kylo Ren had thought that the end of his father would be the end of his pain, but by now he had realized it wasn't. Guilt showed up as a strong emotion ever so often and he thought hard about the reason why. Sometimes he even thought that maybe it was Aryn's fault. What she had said about him being a mere puppet on a string and particularly the disgusted look when he claimed to have decided himself were still quite present in his memory. Locked away, so Snoke couldn't find it, but still there. Her look at him like at a boy, not a grown up man, made him angry and thoughtful at the same time. Of course, he felt offended. Very offended. But she was right about his aggressiveness and sometimes, even he had to admit it, he might act irrational and out of pure rage – without the detour on logical thinking. Calmness wasn't exactly a characteristic of him. He sighed and focused on cold logic and facts.  
Of course, it wasn't her fault he was still haunted by the death of Han Solo. And she was not the reason for his feeling of guilt. Her words and nonverbal communication just did force him to see. Back then – and even now – he didn't _want_ to see, though. But he couldn't blame her for this.  
He needed meditation. But he didn't dare to: What if right then Snoke would read him like he could – and often did? Kylo was not the slightest interested in what Snoke's reaction would be like. In a way, hiding the encounter with an unknown, probably force sensitive person and the ongoing connection to her was indeed betrayal. And Snoke wasn't a Master he'd wish to betray. Nevertheless, he did.  
It tore on him.

"It's quite a Darth Vader-thingy, I'd say", Aryn presumed when Pila asked about her thoughts of Ren's mask. "Since he doesn't need it. Plus, it makes him more intimidating."  
Pila hovered up and down.  
"Well, you know – people get afraid of others when they can't see their faces. They can't read their expression and so can't know about the other person's mood, reaction and stuff. If you see my face getting angry, you might shut up before you make me kill you. If you don't see my face and I'm all dark and scary and have a very bad temper – you're likely to oblige me out of caution or even fear."  
Pila hummed again.  
"Yeah, of course. One can be scary without a mask, too. There are more than enough people out there who are. But there's another thing: Ren doesn't really look, well, as dangerous as he is."  
The hiccup-like humming that followed was Pila's equivalent to a snicker.  
"What should I say? He just doesn't look like a predator, although he is one. More or less."  
The _more or less_ -part made Pila ask again.  
"Not yet stabilized as a person. Or his role. There's more to come, I guess. Although I hope he'll never go after you again."  
Pila made clear it didn’t want to meet Ren ever again, so there would be no chance of getting sliced once more. Nevertheless, Pila knew there was something more perilous about this whole situation. Snoke.  
Aryn thought about Snoke's role in the First Order. He definitely was more than a usual politician or dictator. Whenever he was involved a shiver run down her spine, and it was by no means the good kind of shiver. Nevertheless, she came to a conclusion emerged from history: "He will fall from the same as the emperor did", she told Pila when it asked. "Only questions are when that will be, what else will fall with him – and what he might have caused by then."

Kylo Ren made a decision. He decided that nobody would hear about Aryn _ever_. He hid every single thought as good as possible in the very back of his mind so that even Snoke would never find out. But on this account he felt torn apart again.  
Aryn was able to calm him inside whenever he made contact. How that worked he still couldn’t fully understand. He could live with that, though. _What has happened to me?_ , he wondered.  
What really worried him was that he couldn’t quite rate her: Could she be trusted? He couldn’t trust anybody. And she knew a lot, or at least seemed to. How? And how came she had such a calming effect on his diremption? It was as if she was helping him focus. Without judging. Thinking about that he realized she’d just taken the facts on the topic of Han Solo back when they first met – she might have seen him alike an angry child, but the real judgement came basically from himself.  
The last time she had helped him sleep, Aryn had said that he needed to come to terms with himself. He didn’t like that thought, because it implied that conflict he didn’t want to see (although he knew about it). He really wondered what that whole thing might end up like.

Aryn had realized early that sooner or later Snoke would become aware. This might not be the case right now, but it was virtually inevitable – and something she clearly didn’t wish to happen. Ren would as well start searching for her, sooner or later, and not only on known worlds but _really_ – out here. He would in all likelihood not find anything, but it couldn’t be good. Plus: _this_ would surely capture Snoke’s attention. She was nowhere near interested in getting the attention of the First Order. She had gotten along with the Empire, yes, but that doesn’t mean it would always work like it did back then.  
She still wondered about that strange connection to Ren, made possible by anomalies and warpings – and the force, of course. She knew human psychology mere casually, but the signs of an extreme diremption, an inner conflict of highest imaginable level, were loud and clear. So that was what happens if a human being carried both sides within, probably in equal shares – not at all an enjoyable idea. She wondered if Ren’s short-tempered constitution was a result of that or of a lack of control – he was really not exactly a man of control – or if both characteristics called for each other. His story would stay interesting anyhow. Nevertheless, she shouldn’t get too close. The sudden connections out of his diremption were way more than enough. You could never know to where unstable, irrational and thus unpredictable characters might lead, but history told it was mostly deadly. She knew she had gotten into it, and too close already.

Thinking about the last time he had connected with her he came to an inner calmness on his own.  
He remembered the last horrible, ripping-apart moments soothed by her: When the touch he’d grown used to had left his forehead before he had found peace, it had come back on the side of his neck, with fingertips gently rubbing the littlest circles onto his skin.  
He wondered if the touching thing would work the other way, too: him on her. Funny enough that he's been thinking about it at all, but _this_? Trying to get a grip on himself he thought of something else. Or at least, he tried to: It didn't work. Memories of her touching him gently, stroking him till he fell asleep, came to his mind uninvited.  
Every time, but especially that one time... He had felt calm and peaceful and in a way _silent_ like he had not felt in a very long time. And in the same way his sleep had been: Peaceful, dreamless and recreative.  
There was something like meditation about it, but he couldn't quite describe it. He only knew he needed it every now and then, and a piece of him was okay with the tuck from the Light and the uninvited, painful diremption it brought.

One day, after just another First Order task Snoke wanted him to attend, he saw a pattern not unlike that of Aryn’s robot on a piece of broken furniture. Picking it up, he thought of the fine lines connecting fates with each other sometimes. Although the pattern just reminded him of her robot but wasn’t the same, the thought of connecting lines in a more philosophical way caught his attention.  
The days and nights that followed saw him in a state of meditation, as it seemed. The Knight of Ren was gathering every single bit of information, theory and memory about everything from their first, physical encounter up to the very last time he’d had her in his mind.  
And then he found a trace. Invisible to each and every sense, but somewhere at the edge of reality it was: A pathway to call her. And then he realized why there was no record of a planet called Callim. Why he couldn’t find it, or an answer to how the very first encounter happened.

“A warping in the very fabric of reality”, he said when for the first time ever connecting without a near breakdown. It almost felt like a simple phone call, now that he knew how.  
Her voice in his head was thoughtful. “ _I guess so. Callim sits in a very busy region.”_  
“It is an anomaly itself.”  
_“Yes, it is.”_  
“How?”  
_“I don’t know exactly. An ancient civilization found a way to rip a hole in the fabric of reality, and finally put their sun and planet there. An experiment, maybe, or a flight from something_ very _intimidating. They’re long gone.”_  
“The buildings. You live in their buildings.”  
_“Yes. They were there when I found it, and they’re perfect for me. It was quite easy to make them a home again.”_  
“That’s why that world can’t be found.”  
_“I’d prefer it to stay this way.”_ And suddenly he understood, like, everything: Callim was a place to retreat to, somewhere within _and_ outside the reality known to him – a safe place no one might ever find. A true refuge. She had said that she didn’t want to get involved, and Callim was the perfect place to do so. She could ‘keep an eye on the news’ as she had said back when they first parted, and if she was the only one who knew how to get there, the planet was perfect.  
“I won’t come looking for it. I promise.”  
_“Thank you.”_ Then she added with warmth: “ _You may call anytime.”_

One question remained, though: What was she? Not human, not a force-using being in a way he’d know. His search for Callim had come to an end. His research on her became priority in every free moment now. Maybe _what_ she was had something to do with their connection, and maybe the answer would help him with whatever it was that bothered him about her.  
He wouldn’t just _ask_ her, though. Kylo Ren wanted to find out on his own, like he had about the planet Callim. Plus, there were not _that_ many humanoid species throughout the universe.

 


	5. Getting involved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess they already are. Intensely.

Chapter V: Getting involved.

 

Everything’s been settled between Kylo Ren and Aryn of Callim, as he had started to call her mockingly. Ever since he found his way to ‘call’ her they hadn’t changed anything. She was there when he needed to calm down, and sometimes even was close to breaking, and she never got involved. He hadn’t asked again. Whatever she was: He had decided it was none of his business to make her join him and especially none of Leader Snoke’s business. Whatever he did, day in and day out, she didn’t pay it any judgement. Ren even got used to the whole situation, although not to betraying his Master. Sometimes though, he could bear it on his own. Or at least, he thought so. General Hux might have had another point of view on those days, for Ren’s temper and outbursts of rage were even worse then.  
Kylo Ren didn’t see the difference, though – but Aryn did. Ever since their minds had locked for the first time, her meditations had changed: Ever since there was a low and very far pulse, like an echo of something long gone. By the unconscious pulse of this echo she could have always told about the intensity of Ren’s inner turbulences. For weeks now, those turbulences had gotten worse, but obviously in the very back of Ren’s mind, for he didn’t seem to realize it. Otherwise he’d have made contact again.

Aryn decided to get involved for she had a feeling of what might come out of this, and none of her theories were the least bit likeable.  
Asking Pila to come along with her the robot was nowhere near happy – but it wouldn’t let her leave alone. Nevertheless, a modification had to be made: Pila would not ever get sliced by a lightsaber again.

Shore leave or not, Kylo Ren set foot on Bespin’s Cloud City a second time, and again he had no troops with him and wasn’t on a mission. He even forwent helmet and military boots when strolling through the levels of the City. He had been dreaming of this place for a while now and had decided to see why.  
On the second day, he was about to find out. Of course, a part of him had already known.

On the other end of the hall there stood a figure making his blood rush faster for the blink of an eye. Just standing there, looking his way, it could only be Aryn. Did she send him the repeated dream?  
Almost unaware of the other various people he made his way to her. Aryn remained standing still, back to the wide window with the amazing view she probably had enjoyed before turning around to see him.  
When he finally stood in front of her, he struggled to find words, so she spoke first – like so often before: “Hello. How are you?” She smiled.  
“Did you…”  
“No”, she interrupted. “I can’t do this. Send visions or stuff. At least not without you knowing it was me. I just like this world. And you called for me.”  
“I didn’t”, he said. His question regarding the dream must have been all too clear to her, but _call her_? He hadn’t made contact for quite a while, so how could he have called her?  
She sighed softly and went for it: “Did you have lunch already? There’s a nice restaurant on Floor 500.”

The restaurant really was a nice place: It followed the round form of every building in the sky of Bespin, with large windows to let in the ever orange light. When the waiter, a Chiss who introduced himself as ‘Sat5’, had left their table, Aryn folded her hands loosely on her lap and said: “Well, you did call for me quite intensely for weeks, but since you didn’t make contact I decided you might not have realized it yet. Since I like Bespin, I thought a trip might be a nice idea – to get out and meet with people and stuff. And here you are. Felt my presence, like the last time, I assume?”  
Ren just nodded, gaze going right through her, trying to analyze himself. She gave a two-knock on the table, bringing him back to place and time.  
“How comes you’re that open with me in … whatever _this_ ”, her hand took the space between them, “…is.”  
“I don’t know.”  
“Strange.”  
“Yes.”  
Their drinks arrived and Sat5 took the time to even light a light between them. He winked at Ren coyish and left.  
“There’s no science symposium this time, right?” he asked.  
“No, there’s none, here.” She tried her drink: Just water with a slice of fruit.  
“You removed the burn off your lightsaber by now, I guess?” When they met first, she had wondered about it still functioning, for it had clearly taken a full blow of a blade alike – Luke’s, she had correctly assumed by then. The question came to her mind seeing the haft’s form on Ren’s belt through the cloak when he sat down.  
The Knight took it from his belt and laid it on the table. He chuckled at her surprise.  
Aryn eyed the weapon without touching it. “Modified?”, she asked.  
“Maybe.” Next time – _if_ there would be a next time – a plain stroke against its body wouldn’t cause it to go off or malfunction.  
“What did you mean”, said he, “when you said I could be more than what I am.”  
She looked at him absolutely open. “You’re very powerful, but torn, and that keeps you from reaching your full abilities. They’re neither Dark nor Light Side, for in the very end, everything just _is_ , balanced or not. You could be more than the torn, aggressive, diffuse kid you’re now.” She paused. “When I said ‘disappointing’, I meant that, not your deeds. I’m not to judge except you ask for my opinion.”  
“What’s your opinion on me?”  
“I don’t like patricide. You tend to act uncontrolled and idiotic, out of the moment, a feel, or whatever. You’re a _storm_ , but as long as you don’t get to yourself, stable and aware at every moment, you will be guided and used and sold below value.” She paused and let it sink in. He still sat there, eye contact unbroken. “I’m sure you do what you think is right. But as long as you don’t get to yourself completely, you will be torn the way you are. It’s hard, I know that. But everybody one day or the other finds themselves and who they are, or never come to peace with themselves. Your amazing abilities, wasted now in destructive tantrums, will grow even more when you come to that peace. There’s a lot of strength in that.” In his abilities, he was more powerful than even Darth Vader had been, but he was not yet fully himself and so at the same time not at Vader’s strength at all. She didn’t tell him, though.  
Their lunch arrived in silence and it wasn’t until they were both done with it that Ren asked another question. “What’s your opinion on Snoke?”  
Her eyes seemed to colour-change for the blink of an eye. “Politics?”, she wondered.  
“Just one thing. From your mind.”  
“One thing.” She sighed. “Snoke will fall from the same as the emperor did. Only question is when, and who or what else will fall with him. I know not what his plans in the long term are, but it feels like death and destruction and I don’t wish to find out.”  
A hiss was heard from behind her and suddenly Pila arrived at Aryn’s side, humming at her. After what seemed to be a whole monologue, it stopped. “That’s fine”, she smiled, nodding. “Take your time.”

While Aryn was talking to Pila, Kylo watched attentively. The robot seemed a mere hologram, but it had definitely bumped against Aryn like in a greeting gesture. Nevertheless, it _flickered_ every now and then.  
“Is it broken?”, he asked when it had left.  
“No, that’s more like a security device. Connected to Callim, it’s slightly out of our reality this time. It’s been afraid otherwise you might slice it again.”  
“But it’s also _real_ _here_.”  
She made a face like that was a complicated question. “Well, it’s both, in a way. I can’t really explain it. It only works because Pila is a product of Callim. I don’t think one could use this technique for – anything that’s not of there.”  
“It’s a product of Callim?”  
“Yeah. I found Pila there and reactivated it.”  
That gave a whole new point of view on the little robot.  
“Nevermind. What’s the other thing making you look at me so musing?” she asked.  
He just shook his head. Kylo had made a list in his mind, scratching species from it every now and then. But meeting her did not yet help. “What do you think about the waiter?”  
Aryn’s eyebrow rose in disbelief. “A Chiss he is. I wonder what he did.” she said nevertheless.  
“Did?”  
“What do you know about Chiss?”  
“Tell me”, he asked. In fact, his knowledge on species nowadays basically formed around _humanoid and thus probably Aryn_ – and _not_.  
“Well… He’s quite young. About thirty, I guess. They usually don’t leave the Unknown Regions. As far as I know, Chiss only leave their space when being thrown out. The Chiss are thought to be a very early offshoot of humanity, but I can ensure you they’re very, very intelligent.” She seemed to remember something for a brief moment, then sighed, then shrugged. “I’d like a game of chess with him.”  
“Are you good at that?”  
“Capable, I think. And what you’re really musing about is … what?” she smiled.  
“You don’t need to know everything.”  
Her smile got predatory, but she let him have it. “Okay”, she said. By herself, she was sure he’s been thinking about her species ever since he found out what Callim’s big mystery was. “Ask anytime”, she couldn’t stop herself.

“You should come to the dance tonight”, a young Rodian said when Aryn and Ren had just left the restaurant.  
“I will think about it”, she said politely.  
“You could come with me”, the boy tried.  
She shook her head. “No, sorry: If I come, I’m already taken.”  
The Rodian didn’t stop trying, but even before he could get annoying – although Ren’s patience had been close to its end – Aryn simply laid her hand on the boy’s shoulder and said in a low and content voice: “You wouldn’t survive. Better find yourself someone else.”  
His eyes widened in surprise and shock – the latter because of the picture that had just formed right in his mind. If Ren hadn’t invaded the Rodian’s mind right in this moment, he would have never guessed what made the boy leave hastily.  
But he had taken a fast look, and suddenly he didn’t need to scratch another species from his list.

She still chuckled silently when he looked at her.  
“That was easy”, she said. “You’re done thinking?” Obviously she didn’t mean getting rid of the Rodian boy having been easy, but his constant musing.  
“You are…” he began.  
“Yes”, she nodded, crossing her arms in front of her. “Now are there any questions left?”  
He stood silent for a moment. “A myth”, he finally said.  
“I know. And yes, I probably am. Last of my kind and stuff. All just emerged from the world of legend.” She smiled. “Which encyclopedia was it?”  
He told her, gaining back his usual confident appearance.  
“You dug really deep. Now … What do you think about that dance tonight? Want to go?”  
“I’m not into dancing, really.”  
“Good, so it will be the viewing balcony on Floor 300, if you don’t mind. But first, I have to take care of a few things.” Just like the last time she just left him standing there in the corridor, heading to whatever duty lay ahead.  
The good thing was, it gave him time for more research on this specific humanoid species that had just threatened a random stranger with death.

“Meditation vampires”, he said instead of ‘Hello’.  
“Not the politest thing I’ve heard, but yes, some would call me that.”  
They enjoyed the view for a moment, but Kylo couldn’t stop thinking about his discovery. “Does anybody know your species still exists?”  
“It doesn’t”, she said. “Last of my kind, remember? Which means that practically, I’m already extinct.”  
“You don’t seem bothered.”  
She shrugged. “Wouldn’t change a thing if I was. But I can tell you, there are a few genetic survivors. One day or the other, species get mixed up. Mine did. In fact, even I am not a hundred per cent, if you care.”  
“But you can suck up life from others.”  
“Outch. That’s very rude.” She boxed him playfully. “It’s not all like what they say in those books of fairytales!”  
“Then show me. There’s no reliable source at all.”  
“Show you.” She looked at him and knew very clearly all of this in some way had to form from the very beginning. There had not been a way to not get involved. She sighed. “It’s a fact I’ve been involved from the moment we met, on Callim. Telling myself I decided to finally get involved by coming here is no more than a comforting lie. And now you want me to show you why and how.” She sighed. “Well then – to my quarters.”

On the way to Aryn’s quarters she explained that what she was had enabled her to find Callim in the first place. When he got there, he connected to the planet through the force. And when they first made contact via their minds, the fine lines drawn between so many things and fates – and, thus, them – stabilized. Her species was force sensitive in a very different way than any other force user alive, but it was all about the force and so everything was connected. “But nobody dies”, she said.  
“The boy might have.”  
“Only if I decided. And I never would.” When feeding on another being’s life energy, which was _not_ vital at all – Aryn herself hadn’t done this for decades – it was the force stabilizing the giving person. Nevertheless, the undeniable power Ren brought along had tempted her subconsciously from the moment he first rose his lightsaber against her. She shook her head on that disturbing thought.

“Take a seat”, she said, pointing to a small table with two chairs. When Kylo did, she sat down right across. “Are you sure of this?”  
He nodded.  
Aryn paused, then took his arms by the wrists and leaned forward till their foreheads rested against each other.  
“Show me”, he said. Curiosity radiated from him.  
She closed her eyes, let her thumbs rest easy on his pulse, felt him calm and let her instincts taste his life. It was good. It was like breathing him in through her thumbs, right into her bloodstream. That very individual, powerful, vibrant taste, moving through her veins like a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. She felt him breathe and get lost. His right wrist twitched once, shortly, like a shiver. She was in his head, but not reading, just breathing in that very way only she could.  
Then she let go of him, taking her thumbs from his pulse.  
Her heartrate had increased through the few minutes it lasted. It calmed down now, as well as his did. When she let go of his wrists and sat up straight again, she opened her eyes. It was like coming back from a deep meditation.

Kylo felt languished. He needed a moment to adjust himself. Then he looked at her. “Wow”, he managed to breathe. He hadn’t been aware to be _that_ jaded he couldn’t talk normally. He took a deep breath to make it work.  
“Yeah”, she said. Aryn seemed shaken in a way he had not imagined before. Although _shaken_ was not the right word. Was there a word at all? She took a deep breath as well. “How do you feel?”  
“Jaded. In a way.”  
She nodded.  
Without thinking, he reached over the table and grabbed her hand, saying: “Do it again.” There was a despairing touch to those words.  
She stared at him in a moment of utter silence. Then took his wrists again. He closed his eyes and Aryn felt him letting go before she even started.

When Kylo opened his eyes, he lay flat on his back. He didn’t know how he got there, but it was the bed in Aryn’s quarters he was lying on. She sat right next to him. A breathless memory of her hands on both sides of his neck rushed through him, and a pull – a deeply despairing pull to her, inflamed by the need of _one more time_.  
“Please”, he breathed, right hand reaching out for her. When she allowed him to take it, he entangled their fingers and smiled weakly. “Don’t stop.”  
She looked at him, caring. Her left hand cooled his forehead as if it was burning. Kylo wouldn’t have been able to tell if he was awake or in fever. His half-shut eyes rested on her.  
“Take … me.” He whispered. “Have it all.”  
She shook her head slowly. “You’re alive because of the force alone. You need rest.” Her hand left his, but gently brushed his cheek. “Sleep.”  
He was back in dreamless unconsciousness before realizing she had left the bedside.

_\--- The End. ---_  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. Well... At the end I think I might have played him in pieces or so. Sorry... not sorry.  
> Hope you liked it. I'm still wondering about how that turned out. :)


End file.
